Taking Inventory of Stuff in Storage
Well, I finally bit the bullet and sifted through every item in my storage bin, as well as the bottom drawer of my dresser. My husband questioned why I was putting myself through this when I knew that most of the clothes would still be too small. And I suppose the answer is that I feel a somewhat compulsive need to make sure I am wearing everything that fits. It's like I don't want to miss out on wearing something before it's too late and I've moved on to smaller sizes. So I went through everything, setting aside the items that might possibly fit to try on. Things I was sure were too small went right back into the bin, after writing down every piece and where I was keeping it. I carefully folded everything "Kon-Mari" style and was somewhat surprised at the volume of clothes I own (see photo). I was also surprised at how few of them are even relevant to my current size. Most of them are for a much lower weight. It seems that I fall into that cliche of investing more money in clothes when I'm thin than when I'm fat. This is a behavior many clothing retailers use to justify not making plus size clothes. It's absolutely not an accurate assessment for many women and I wish I had the confidence to be one of them. How refreshing to see women accept themselves as they are, in all their plus sized glory. There are some great blogger/YouTubers who embody this ideal: AndIGetDressed on YouTube and @itsmekellieb on Instagram is my favorite of the bunch. She never succumbs to "dressing for her body type" or any of that shaming garbage. She wears all kinds of clothes, always colorful and trendy and with no intention of hiding her body in any way. Alas, I am not so comfortable in my own skin when I'm in plus sizes, and am an utter cliche of thinking "thinner is better," at least for me. So I'm losing weight and looking forward to the day when my "skinny clothes" fit. I really find this way of thinking appalling, but it seems I can't change my mindset, no matter how many hours I spend in front of the mirror reciting how much I love myself. So I'm full-on dieting and going to the gym like all the other lemmings. I don't know what will happen in the future, but this is my current state, mental health being a major factor in my outlook. Being heavy seems to exacerbate my self-hatred and suicidal thoughts, and avoiding those symptoms is my main justification for doing what I'm doing. Ideally, I'd like to just eat intuitively and moderately and accept my weight wherever it falls, but I seem incapable of that at my current level of mental health. I stopped trusting my body's hunger signals after the intense cravings I experienced on Seroquel and it's hard to get over that.
But back to the clothes. Once I'd removed the smallest clothes, I was left with a much smaller pile- say, maybe a quarter of the total mess. Nine pieces of capsule-worthy clothing actually fit and are going to be joining my current wardrobe. Four GAP Factory T-shirts, two black and two navy, are being revived, since they seem to fit better now and I love the shape with the scoopneck and scoop hemlines. The grey men's pants I bought fairly recently that were a bit too small at first are now quite comfortable. A pair of black (size 16) Ann Taylor tailored trousers from my office-working days fit perfectly. A cotton oatmeal sweater from LOFT fits nicely, and is perfect for spring and summer when I put away my cashmere. A tan cotton anorak jacket from Old Navy is also great for the season and zips up comfortably. And then there's a black open cardigan which is on probation for being an acrylic mess of pilling and lint. The design is so great that it's a real heartbreaker that it hasn't worn well- but I've only washed it once or twice and it's barely justifiable at this point. These items are not utterly necessary to add to my capsule, but my need to not "miss out" means I'm putting them into the closet and making them available. I could definitely clear some things out at this point- there are things that are too big. But I'm going to declutter another day, so for the moment, my capsule has ballooned to 39 items.
Other things that now fit me are in the workout and pajama categories. My winter Under Armour running gear- Cold Gear leggings, base layer top, and water-resistant hoodie- all fit, as well as three other pairs of leggings and a light 3/4 sleeve sweatshirt from Old Navy. The other leggings are Danskin cotton blend in navy, Calvin Klein Performance cotton blend in black, and Under Armour Heat Gear synthetic in black with mesh cut outs. Three pairs of pajama pants are also added to the mix: two identical navy cotton Lauren Ralph Lauren joggers and one grey and white striped pair of joggers from GAP. The afore-mentioned pajama shorts are coming out too- two black and one palm-print from Isaac Mizrahi.
The remaining storage items amount to a lot. Like just the capsule items alone come in at about 50 pieces. Will this be my future wardrobe? Am I going from a minimalist capsule wardrobe to a more average collection of clothes? Will these items fit in with my evolving style? We shall see. That's still in the future. I'd best not get ahead of myself.
Here are the capsule items coming out of storage:
Here are the workout clothes:
Here are the pajamas:
