I'm Not Even Remotely Working

Let’s see. Well, we last left off when I was feeling pretty terrible. Since then, we’ve entered into a global pandemic. Not great.

I am, however, in the rather unusual situation where my lifestyle has barely changed since we’ve been instructed to shelter in place and practice social distancing. The only parts of my routine that have been disrupted are going to the gym and occasionally visiting a coffee shop.

Matt and I have substituted a home workout for our usual weight training, implementing an assortment of water jugs, soda cans, hand weights, and a backpack. On the plus side, I’ve discovered that I can do thirty push-ups— the real kind of push-ups, not the ones on my knees. On the negative side, the “workout area” in our living room is a lot closer to the couch than the gym was, so I tend to lie down between sets.

In terms of coffee shop visits, I am missing them, especially since it was the only way I could get any writing done. While it may not qualify as actual work, I have been finding it absolutely impossible to write a blog at home. I don’t know if it’s the stress of the pandemic in general, the incessant disinfecting of groceries and doorknobs, or something else altogether, but I’ve been battling some serious writer’s block.

I think part of it is feeling self-conscious that I’m not as hyper-informed as most people are on the current state of the world. I find it so deeply disturbing whenever I expose myself to the news that I mostly avoid it.
Another part of it is definitely feeling extraordinarily depressed, corona virus or not. And then part of it is not wanting to engage in the snow-day pajama-party atmosphere that many people are invoking as a reaction to having to stay home. I realize we all need some escapism right now, but there is a point where there is a blatant disregard for the fact that thousands of people are dying, and millions have lost their jobs. If I read one more blog post about improving your productivity when working from home, I’ll scream.

Obviously, working from home is a major adjustment for those used to commuting to an office, but I really don’t think it’s going to be easy for most of us to keep up the same schedules we had pre-pandemic. I have definitely been putting pressure on myself to keep up with what I was doing before, and by some small miracle, the strict diet and exercise regimen I normally keep has remained in place. But I’m finding it difficult, not only to write, but even to read or watch Netflix. I’m having a major meltdown at least once a day, usually screaming at myself in my head for not “getting more done.” But then it occurs to me that I find it difficult to accomplish much under normal circumstances, never mind what we’re all going through now.

So in order to help you feel better about your own productivity (or lack thereof) in these unprecedented times, I thought I’d share my quarantine schedule with you:

1 pm: Wake up
1-4 pm: Drink coffee and watch YouTube, dreading exercise
4-5 pm: Exercise and shower
5 pm: Breakfast
5:15 pm: Lie down and despair
7 pm: Lunch in bed with Netflix
7:30-10:00 pm: Have a meltdown, get a foot rub
10-11 pm: Dinner and clean-up
11:00 pm: Watch HULU and Amazon Prime
12:00 am: Snack with pills and get ready for bed
1-2 am - Like awake in bed and despair
2:00 am - Sleep

But let’s move on to the real issue here: loungewear. I was already at the point where I showered and changed directly into a fresh set of pajamas before all this happened, so I’ve just continued with that policy. The problem with wearing pajamas 24/7 is that they wear out a lot faster than if you wear normal clothes every day. I have two pairs of navy Ralph Lauren cotton joggers that I’ve been wearing every day, in rotation with a pair of pink wide-leg pajama pants by Two by Vince Camuto (it is still unclear whether these are maternity pants). The pink ones are actually faring pretty well, but the navy ones, not so much. They’ve reached a state of pilling and clinginess where even wearing them around the house is just depressing.

So I started a search for some new pajama pants, checking a number of ethical/sustainable brands first. Blue Sky Clothing Company’s website has these Clair Pants, but it’s hard to say whether they’re lounge pants or not. Miakoda has sold out of their high-waisted joggers in my size. PACT no longer has their reasonably priced drawstring lounge pants in larger sizes. So I found myself eyeing up a pair of joggers on People Tree that got a great review from a YouTuber. The thing is, they’re $86, which is pushing it considering Matt’s probably out of work for the foreseeable future. I found some jersey lounge pants on KOTN for $45, so less pricey, but they only have my size in pink, and I don’t know how I feel about having more than one pair of pink pajama pants. Plus the care instructions say “lay flat to dry,” so I can’t really get on board with that. I dutifully looked at ThredUp for secondhand options, but Matt reminded me what secondhand sweatpants usually look like, and I nixed that idea.

So then I started with the mainstream brands. Lands’ End Serious Sweats are great quality (Matt has some) but they’re made with some polyester, and are heavier than what I want. J. Crew has some great Dreamy Pajama Jogger Pants in a wide range of sizes, but they’re still pretty pricey at $69.50 (no promo codes). So I ended up ordering two pairs of grey lounge pants from the Gap. One style, the Pure Body Modal Joggers, were only available in L. The other style, the Truesleep Modal Joggers were only available in XL. So I really don’t know if either one will work. But they had 40% off and free shipping, so they were the ultimate winners.

And there you have it: I’ve managed to turn this into a little pajama party of my own, deadly virus or no, which I guess is just a way of coping with our hideous reality right now. Clothes have frequently been my go-to coping mechanism when dealing with mental illness. Why not now?