Wardrobe Overhaul Part 4: TMI (Socks and Underwear)

July 03, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Capsule Wardrobe, Clothes, Minimalism

Here are my socks, all 28 pairs. They all have special purposes which I won’t bore you with, but there they are. I actually made a little more room after decluttering 9 pairs in my recent clearout.

I’d bought 6 pairs of thin crew socks before our last trip to Germany, but during my recent clearout I got rid of 3 of them. Then I came across an old pile of discarded socks. I liked some of those better than the newer ones, so I traded them out for the remaining 3. These are the ones I’m keeping. Riveting, I know.

Here are my 2 pairs of tights, which finally fit. The black ones are Old Navy and the purpley ones are American Apparel. Those ones have lasted me many years- I definitely recommend them.

These 3 bras came out of storage. I’m not thrilled with them, but I don’t really need them during the pandemic, so they’ll do for now. The first 2 are Maidenform, and they shift around awkwardly on me now. The black one is better. It’s a Marshalls/T.J.Maxx special. I think they’ve had these bras for about 20 years, and they cost about $7. I absolutely love them- René Rofé is the rather sleazy brand. But this one style they used to make is the best. This is the most similar thing I can find.

These are all the new underwear from storage. Mostly my usual Warner’s “No Muffin Top” Hipsters, 12 pairs in microfiber, 3 in a siky material, and 1 in cotton. The last 2 pairs are some high-waisted briefs for wearing under certain clothes that would otherwise show my belly button. I guess I’m just thinking of my white skirt, which I don’t tuck anything into anyway. So I don’t know why I’m keeping them. But they were in the bin and so they’re there for now. That’s 18 pairs.

The following is my smorgasbord of shapewear and slips. First we have a bodysuit that fit me at a larger size, but works fine now, too. All of the other pieces just came out of storage. The second piece is a pair of “slip shorts” for wearing with skirts in summer; they’re a brilliant solution to the “chub rub” issue. They also work well over tights to keep your skirt from riding up in winter. They’re really lightweight and soft, not like shapewear. I think they’re Jockey. Next we have a pair of “petti-pants” that are like a slip version of culottes. I have no use for them, but I find them adorable.

Next is a waist-cincher that I bought to wear under my wedding top and skirt, along with the Bridget Jones-style giant underpants next to them. The long slip was for the wedding outfit, too. I don’t know why I’m keeping these things. I don’t plan on wearing my wedding dress anywhere. It’s stored in an archival box on the top shelf of my closet for safekeeping. But again, they were in the bin and so they’re there for now.

Finally, we have my robes. The kimono style one on the left is something I stole from my husband (it was a gift from his parents some years ago). The white one is just a Lands’ End terrycloth bathrobe.

This isn’t exactly a minimalist collection of socks and underwear, so the minimalist police are definitely going to come for me. I may lose my membership. But I’m just taking my time with all this new stuff from storage, throwing it at the wall and seeing what sticks. If I start to feel like it’s too much, I can cut back then.

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 1: Closet Declutter

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 2: The Bin of Smaller Clothes

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 3: Smaller Pajamas and Gym Clothes

June 25, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Capsule Wardrobe, Clothes, Minimalism

There’s more that came out of the storage bin. Since I got rid of every T-shirt and tank top I owned, I needed to replace them with something. Luckily, there were options in the bin.

These 7 identical T-shirts are from Saks Off Fifth- the “down brand” of Saks Fifth Avenue. The quality isn’t great (there are holes where the pockets attach in half of them), but I love the boxy fit and wide neckline. The navy camisole is from the LOFT outlet, and it is the exact same cut as my silky camisoles, but in jersey. The black and white tanks are Old Navy. Finally there are two long-sleeve Cuddl Duds shirts that are super soft but kind of tight. We’ll see if they become good layering pieces in winter.

There’s also this. It’s a flannel nightgown I’ve been in denial about owning. It’s really warm in winter.

Then there are the new pajama pants I recently bought from GAP. I like the black ones on the left better than the charcoal grey. They have a wider waistband and different pockets, and I think they’re actually longer in the leg. Both are really lightweight and made of silky-soft modal.

Finally, there are the items left over from my last pajama capsule. The first three pairs of shorts are the same, made of a soft jersey. The navy shorts are a cut-off pair of men’s jersey athletic pants in a very large size. The hoodie is lightweight and stretchy- perfect for sleeping. The grey-striped GAP pajama pants are similar to the new ones- lightweight modal. The pink pajama pants are heavier, but still soft and stretchy. And those slippers are falling apart. They’re really gross but I still wear them.

That comes to a total of 23 items for pajamas.

On to gym clothes. The only two workout items to come out of storage are a pair of Danskin leggings and this body sweater I used to wear to dance class or yoga- both things I no longer do. But alas, I keep it.

Here are the new running shoes I got a couple months back. I love that they’re a neutral color. They’re just the updated version of my old New Balance running shoes- 860 I think?

These items will be added to the remaining gym capsule shown below.

I have 4 sports bras; 2 fit tighter than the others and so I wear them for running. The other 2 are for what, I’m not sure. Sometimes I’ll throw one on for weight lifting days, on the rare occasion I bother to wear a bra. They’re all from Old Navy of all places. They were literally the best ones I could find for high impact exercise that also didn’t cut in under the arms. I even tried Athleta sports bras on, and only managed to injure myself in the dressing room. Old Navy won out.

My fleece is my go-to layer, essential if I’m going braless at the gym. But now that we work out at home it’s more for running in my cold, cold office/treadmill room, which has no heat. The Under Armour hoodie and base layer top are for cold weather running, and the leggings are for running in general. The blue ones are Danskin and really good quality- the same as the smaller black ones that just came out of storage. The cropped ones are Calvin Klein Performance and not as good.

This gives me only 12 items of gym wear. Keep in mind that the pajama tops will double as gym tops.

There are also a handful of items which will stay in storage for now because they are too small: If my weight continues to go down, I’ll swap out my size XL sports bras for these identical ones in size L. These woven cotton pajama shorts got a little small in the dryer, but I’m keeping them in case they become feasible this summer.

This concludes the overview of my new, smaller pjs and gym stuff. It feels funny to wear things that actually fit me instead of the T-shirts I was drowning in. But I’ve gotten used to it over the past few weeks, and it is more comfortable.

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 1: Closet Declutter

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 2: The Bin of Smaller Clothes

June 17, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Capsule Wardrobe, Clothes, Minimalism

After the Wardrobe Overhaul Part 1: Closet Declutter, I opened the bin of smaller clothes and sorted through it. I decided to keep or store all but 4 items, so even after the clearout I am left with 54 items in my current wardrobe, up from 29 in my last Capsule Wardrobe Update. Here are the new additions:

First, of course, are T-shirts. I got rid of a lot of T-shirts, but luckily there were a lot in storage to replenish my supplies. The first six are from LOFT; the blue and white ones are a ballet-neck style, while the grey and green have a banded hem and sleeve. The black tees are Old Navy, and the last two white ones are Cynthia Rowley Woman. All of the white T-shirts are fairly see-through, so I’m not sure how I’ll manage that. I guess they’re fine with a nude bra underneath, and for much of the year I layer sweaters over them anyway. I might have to double them up to wear this summer, though.

Then there are a few casual tops that are not T-shirts. The camisole on the left is an Ebay auction win (it’s hard to believe anyone else was coveting this scrap of a thing). I used a sniper trick to bet my highest bid just before time ran out and snagged it for $13 and change. I used to have this exact top in brown that I’d bought at Old Navy when I lived in New York. It was somehow perfectly flattering and indispensable in the summer months, but I got rid of it when it got too small. I was thrilled to come across it years later on Ebay in my size.

This dress is something I refer to as “the Paris dress” because I got it on our first trip to Paris. It’s beautifully made in a lovely cotton fabric. Returning to the small boutique years later, I was disappointed to find it had changed hands and internet searches for the label, Bella Blue, didn’t come up with anything quite like it.

These two ponte-knit swing-style tops were on sale at GAP and they are quite possibly The Most Flattering Thing Ever on my body. I only bought one at first, but then searched online to find a second color in my size. Not available for online order, I had to settle for one at a store within a radius of 25 miles. Mission accomplished.

Next are the dressy things. The navy blouse on the left has a cool tulip cross-over back hem and I of course love the swing shape. This long, white, sheer tunic is something that I keep going to get rid of but then I put it on and it just looks great, at a variety of sizes.

These two identical long-sleeve blouses are a gorgeous silky material and are by Vince Camuto, who does a great criss-cross hem type thing. I got them at a Nordstrom Rack in Portland, Oregon while Matt was working at the opera company there. They’re my go-to for any opening night when it’s not sweltering.

Finally, we have my wedding kimono, an ASOS Curve find that I wore over my white top and skirt at our formal wedding party (we were already married a year and a half earlier at City Hall).

On to sweaters and jackets. The cashmere sweater on the left is by Vince, a super pricey brand that does amazing sweaters (my grey long sleeve cashmere sweater is also Vince). This short-sleeve asymmetrical blouson top is wonderfully oversized and was found with its heather-grey twin for $5.99 at Salvation Army. I snagged them both and had at them with the cashmere comb. I sold the grey one on Ebay but had to keep the black for myself.

The white sweater is just a great, lightweight summer cardigan. The cashmere sweater in camel in the center is by J. Crew Collection and I got it on Thredup with a 40% discount code to boot. They go for almost $300 on the J. Crew website but I got mine for around $24, in perfect condition. The wide blush cotton sweater is another great throw-on piece for spring and summer. The cropped swing rain jacket is by Norma Kamali (probably via her Walmart line) and I got it at a Savers a few years ago.

Pants and skirts: The black skinny jeans are super stretchy, more like jeggings, and for some reason when skinny jeans are black I don’t hate them. The blue and white wide-leg pants are J. Crew, bought on sale. I love how truly wide they are, and they are my favorites. The two identical pairs of black joggers are T.J. Maxx finds, the first pair before a trip to Germany, and the second pair 2 months later when we got back (on one of those magical Marshalls/T.J. Maxx quests I go on with my mom).

The black pencil skirt is a heavy stretch knit and I love that it doesn’t have a back slit (that back vent always makes me feel like I’m flashing someone). The green linen-y skirt is J. Crew, but found at Salvation Army on dollar day. I miss dollar day. Maybe they’ll bring it back now that we’re in a major recession.

Belts. (These aren’t included in my number of items since they’re accessories.). The skinny braided belt is from Old Navy, the medium-width GAP black leather one was a Savers find, and the studded, embellished “cowboy” belt was a Savers find back in my high school days. I still love it.

The following items are staying in storage for now. They don’t fit at the moment; they’re either too small or just fit differently than they used to. I’m going to wait and see if that changes. The first two tops are my beloved silky camisoles from LOFT. The feather-print tank in the middle is Joie and 100% silk (another Ebay find). The shorts are Old Navy, yet are somehow different from the almost identical shorts they make now and are therefore irreplaceable.

These are the items from the bin I got rid of. Skinny jeans, my nemesis. And yoga pants, which just look outdated next to leggings.

Now these are the remaining items from my previous wardrobe that I’m hanging onto. Outerwear is staying for now because I don’t know what exact size I’ll be come Fall/Winter and I don’t really mind my coats being too big. That green shirt is way too big, but I still feel inclined to keep it. I like the color.

My oversized hoodie, of course I’m keeping, especially since succesfully repairing the hole in the cuff. Some of these sweaters fit quite well and the ones that are big look just fine anyway. My big square-shaped blouse may not be my first choice now that I have other options, but it could be good for dressing up in the heat.

The white skirt is still skating by for now, as are the way-too-big linen-blend pants. The jeans actually fit me better now more than ever, and those size 38 grey pants are still hanging on even without a suitable belt. I guess the cowboy belt could step in if need be.

There it is. All 54 items. Not really minimalist anymore, is it? I imagine I’ll refine my wardrobe over time, and might have to get rid of things if they get way too big. But at this point it feels like a lot. I don’t know when I’d have the time or occasion to wear so many things. But I love each item- they were carefully chosen- and I think I’ll just take my time with it.

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 3: Smaller Pajamas and Gym Clothes

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 1: Closet Declutter

June 06, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Capsule Wardrobe, Minimalism

The Sizeable Discard Pile consisted of 39 items (plus socks and underwear) that I had cycled through during the first 8 months of weight loss. I was supposed to send the lot to Thredup in the 3 giant bags they’d sent me. That never happened. I guess I was waiting until I used the clothes to make a “closet declutter” video for YouTube.

I made the video, but I hated it. It just wasn’t me. I was wearing makeup and acting like losing weight was the secret to happiness. I was trying to imitate the YouTube videos I had seen so frequently- the clean, white interior with the requisite plant in the corner, the cheerful demeanor, the cutaways to me modeling the clothes. Ultimately, I was embarrassed by it. The thought of anyone I knew seeing it appalled me. So I scrapped it and waited until I could start over.

Months went by. Tumbleweed rolled through my office where I had stashed the stuff. Sometimes I was tempted to just say “fuck it” and send it all away in the mail. But I still held onto this idea that I’d make a video, and so I held onto the clothes, too.

Well, I finally did it: I made a video. I sent off the Thredup bags (plus an extra box). I included the results of this most recent clearout as well, which I documented over the course of a week. Hopefully I’ll feel better about this video and will actually let you see it.

After The Sizeable Discard Pile back in August of 2019, I reneged on the tan Supergas, but everything else stayed in the pile.

Since then, I’ve parted with a few pairs of pants: the size 38 Levi’s, the size 40 Levi’s, the size 40 grey men’s pants, and the size 12 skinny jeans.

I also stopped wearing these two bras which got too big, replacing them with just one bra before our trip to Germany. And then of course there were the bedraggled pink Everlane tees that I loathed.

But once I opened up the storage bin of smaller clothes last week, I realized it was time for a major clearout and overhaul. I started by decluttering the pajamas I’ve been wearing since I was 224 pounds. First are the 8 Old Navy XXL gym and sleep tees in grey and blue, as well as 4 sleep tanks in the same size:

Then there was a grey LOFT sleep hoodie I wasn’t crazy about, some taupe pajama pants that were too big, and two pairs of navy Ralph Lauren pajama pants that I just plain wore out this year:

There were gym clothes to be decluttered. Both of my Under Armour leggings, the “cold gear” and the “heat gear” seemed to slide down when I ran, so those unfortunately had to go. The same was true for my RBX joggers that I used to wear as an outer layer for cold weather running. And I finally conceded that my black sweatpants were too short and too worn out to hang onto.

There was also an Old Navy sweatshirt with three-quarter sleeves that I never really figured out the point of; I think I just got it on sale for less than a dollar and couldn’t resist. And then my running shoes were retired a couple months back and replaced; I’d had them for two and a half years and I was overdue for new ones.

When it comes to everyday clothes, or my capsule wardrobe, the big purge was in the T-shirt department. I got rid of all 6 GAP Factory tees- the 2 black, 2 white, and 2 navy. I finally let go of the size 20 ASOS ones in black and grey. And as much as I wanted to hold onto them, I had to say goodbye to my 3X J. Crew navy blue tees. I really loved them, but they were falling off my shoulders and I couldn’t even stand to sleep in them, so they had to go.

I got rid of 2 pairs of pants: the men’s black dress pants from Ebay that I barely got to wear before they got too big, and my too-big size 14W black skinny jeans which had survived many a wardrobe changeover. Also going are all three belts, including my Dickies men’s leather belt, which was difficult to part with.

Hang in there; it’s almost over. Both my bathing suit and my swimming shorts/top combo had to go (too big).

Six pairs of 3-year-old winter socks were worn out, as well as 3 newer pairs of thin crew socks.

And then there’s this secret pair of brand-new GAP joggers with the tag still on that I’ve never mentioned until now (I had two other identical pairs that I did actually wear).

Lastly, there’s the bra I bought back in October, right before our last trip to Germany, which has since gotten too big.

I’m holding onto a stack of underwear that are a bit too big, just because they were expensive and purchased not too long ago and I can’t bear to toss them in the trash just yet. Two of my four sports bras fit slightly larger, so they’ve gotten too big to wear for running, but again, they were expensive and hard to find, so I need some time before they go.

But otherwise, that covers it. That comes to 41 items out the door, plus my pile of socks. Add to that 4 items from storage I got rid of straight away, and it comes to 45. Add in the 38 items (plus socks and underwear) from The Sizeable Discard Pile, and it comes to 83 items. Add to that the stuff that had been decluttered during the interim (8 items) and you get a whopping 92 pieces of clothing.

The whole process was far more time-consuming and emotional than expected. I mean, I had a relationship with those T-shirts; it was hard to let them go. And what’s with hanging on to the underwear and sports bras that are too big? Is it fear that I’ll gain the weight back and need them? I don’t know; I feel fairly confident about my diet and exercise habits being a permanent institution.

Maybe it’s just the change in body size. Hiding in those oversized clothes made it easier to pretend my body wasn’t really changing in any visible way. I don’t know if I like the idea of wearing clothes that actually fit. Will people see me differently? Will I see myself differently? Will I become vain? Will I stop caring whether clothes come in plus sizes and just obliviously recede into the straight-size blogosphere?

Hopefully the quarantine will give me some time to adjust to my changing body- and my changing wardrobe. I need to allow myself room to figure out just what I feel comfortable wearing and what I don’t. I’m thinking back to my analysis of my smaller clothes and whether they fit in with my more recent style inclinations. Maybe that can serve as a guide to keep me connected to who I really am and how I want to dress going forward.

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 2: The Bin of Smaller Clothes

Wardrobe Overhaul Part 3: Smaller Pajamas and Gym Clothes

Circular Fashion Content

February 25, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism, Clothes

I have a confession to make: I don’t exclusively follow ethical/sustainable fashion influencers. Despite my minimalist tendencies, I can get bored with photos of the same capsule wardrobe pieces in endless combinations. I find myself excited at the prospect of watching “haul videos” on YouTube where influencers share their most recent clothing purchases. Quite frankly, it’s exciting to see what’s new in the fashion world. I like seeing new cuts and shapes and I love following the trajectory of an influencer’s style.

Some of the style influencers I love (Lizzy Hadfield of Shot from the Street, Anna of The Anna Edit, Jamie Lee of Mademois-elle) I have seen criticized for the constant influx of new clothing into their wardrobes. The expectation for style influencers seems to have shifted from simply sharing their edit of what’s new in fashion or in their personal style to only sharing pieces from ethical/sustainable brands. And while there are many positives to this shift, including an increased demand for ethical/sustainable clothing, it does put style influencers in an awkward position. It really is their job to sell you a curated selection of clothing by posting pictures on Instagram and videos on YouTube. And that’s often their defense for their shopping behavior: I need to have a lot of clothes because it’s my job. And I think that’s pretty valid.

If the clothes these influencers choose to wear are ethically/sustainably made, then everyone wins and has a clear conscience. But if ethical/sustainable brands come up short in terms of quality or style and don’t make the edit, then it’s possible that they need to step up their game. Because if the mainsream style influencers aren’t getting excited about the clothes, the general public won’t either. Maybe these influencers could even help responsible brands to see exactly what styles are in demand.

When it comes to ethically/sustainably-minded influencers, I wanted to point out the best of this group. My favorite content overall is that created by A Small Wardrobe on her blog and YouTube channel. She constantly cycles pieces in and out of her wardrobe, shopping primarily secondhand and reselling her castoffs to subscribers— a true model of circular fashion. The small size of her wardrobe keeps things focused while the constant updates maintain a good amount of variety, something I definitely appreciate. Another standout on YouTube is Alyssa Beltempo, whose slow-fashion approach involves styling older or secondhand pieces from her large wardrobe into looks inspired by Instagram. This provides a lot of variety and relevance without any fast fashion purchases.

Maybe good style content is not a matter of finding new clothes or even new topics to blog about. I think it’s more a matter of depth and authenticity. A lot of people who talk about capsule wardrobes don’t let you in. They publish a “list-icle” of “10 Tips” or “3 Looks,” but that’s as deep as it goes. The bloggers and YouTubers I love, I love because they show me who they are. They let me see their authentic, unique qualities, their quirks.

Sometimes that means having a day job— Karolina Zebrowska on YouTube is a costume designer and author of books on vintage clothing, and her profession contributes much to her content. Aside from her barely-edited, weird and hilarious sit-down videos on vintage clothing, she makes random short videos relating modern vines to historical costumes, something I doubt anyone else is doing.

But other times it’s not the day job that makes content interesting; it’s just about how connected I feel to someone. Lizzy Hadfield, well-known for her fashion content and unique style, posts a lot of vlogs on her YouTube channel. And I want to see every last minute of it. If she posts a “Testing Basics” video or a “Monthly Fashion Report,” that’s just a bonus. I’m already watching her make her bed and walk to the post office because I feel like I know her. I know how smart she is, how creative and thoughtful and funny. And I also love the way she dresses, so I want to hear all of her thoughts on clothes. So maybe it’s not the novelty of new clothes or the unique topics that make content good; it’s the people creating it.

My MInimalist Car, and Flow

February 11, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism, Mental Illness

I was recently given a car by my family. Up until this point, Matt and I have only owned one car for the two of us. But it was time for my brother to upgrade to a company car, leaving his trusty 2010 Toyota Corolla up for grabs. The car wasn’t worth very much, so it ended up coming to me. One reason I was the chosen recipient is simple: the car has a standard transmission, and I know how to drive it. For those of you who have no idea what that means, perhaps you’ve heard the term “stick shift” as a certain type of car that has slowly been phased out by cars with automatic transmissions.

The reason my brother opted for the “standard” has to do with his notorious intolerance for negotiating with car salesmen. Instead of considering all the upgrades and “options,” he literally asks for the cheapest possible model of the car. This means no power locks; you actually have to put a key inside the lock on the door and turn it to open it. It also means no power windows; you have to actually roll down the window with a crank on the inside of the door. And of course it means a standard transmission.

I always found this lack of features hilarious, like antiquated quirks I haven’t experienced since high school, driving around in a death trap of a 1984 Dodge Omni. Another not-so-surprising quirk is the lack of USB ports, and the presence of a CD player of all things. Since I no longer own CDs, I’ve opted to just drive in silence instead. And yet, I love this car. I refer to it as “minimalist” for its utter simplicity, as well as the fact that I keep nothing in it, wanting to maintain its recently detailed interior.

But back to the standard transmission. I’ve been driving Matt around in my “new” car, and despite my thorough explanations of all the mechanics involved, he has outright refused to learn to drive it himself. Perhaps the most intimidating feature is the clutch. The clutch is for your left foot and must be used in combination with the gas and gear shift. Basically, the clutch must be down when you shift gears, moving the stick shift from gear to gear as your speed increases or decreases. Beyond that, it’s a tricky thing to explain if you’ve never learned how.

My mom always drove a standard when I was in high school and college, so she insisted on teaching me and my brothers how to drive it. And due to the present circumstances, I’m grateful she did. Driving my brother’s car makes me feel like I have a rare and valuable skill, and that gives me a little boost of confidence.

It reminds me of making lattes when I was working at a coffee shop- you’ve got both hands going, navigating the mechanics and timing of pulling espresso shots while at the same time sensing the subtle temperature and consistency of the steaming milk. When Matt witnessed me making coffee, he remarked that it looked like I was operating a 19th century steam engine, and driving this car is a lot like that. I like finding that sweet spot in first gear, releasing the clutch at the same time you gently step on the gas, and then finding a smooth transition through the gears, carefully judging when to shift and what gear you need to be in. I’m not used to it- it does require some concentration for me- but it’s just enough of a challenge without feeling overwhelming.

I recently read An Edited Life by Anna Newton of The Anna Edit blog, and she discusses how to achieve a “flow state” in your work. It’s a state described as being totally immersed and engaged in what you’re doing, resulting in maximum productivity and creative satisfaction. She includes a list of 6 requirements for achieving a flow state, all of which match up with driving that car:

1. You know clearly what to do (check)
2. You know how to do it (check)
3. You’re able to sense how well you’re doing it (check- the car is constantly providing feedback)
4. You have freedom from distractions (check- no CDs, remember)
5. You perceive the challenge as high (check- it’s been years since I drove a standard)
6. You perceive your own skills as equally high (check- I know I can get the car from point A to point B without disaster)

I can’t say for sure that driving gets me into a flow state, but it does help my self-esteem. I’m able to do something fairly easily that many people seem to think difficult. In recovering from mental illness, I think finding tasks like this can be transformative. Blogging has really been like that for me: the writing, of course, but also the uploading of content and photos to my website, formatting everything, editing, adjusting colors, adding links, etc. It took me some time to learn it all, but now that I’m able to do it and still find it relatively challenging, it makes for a good task to feel engaged in.

I’ve been working on some other projects lately, but am having a hard time “hooking in.” I feel overwhelmed and easily distracted, often procrastinating getting started. And the reasons for that seem fairly simple: I don’t know how to do these things, I’ve never done them before, and am often not even clear on what needs to be done. It helps to understand these obstacles, but it still means I get really frustrated at my piddly output lately.

Just when I’m getting really down on myself, it dawns on me that I have a weekly blog to write, and I actually know how to do that. And somehow I get hooked in and start writing. I head to the cafe in my new car, confidence building on the drive there. I take out the designated notebook, the designated pen- those decisions have already been made- and get to work. After a morning of struggling to exercise, to shower, to eat breakfast- to do these seemingly “easy” things that everyone else seems to do without thinking- I finally feel this glimmer of self-worth when I get to the harder things (the driving, the website). And that’s invaluable.

My self-worth has been so low for so long, it has often felt like there was no coming back. I thought I would continue to decline for the rest of my life, becoming less and less capable of taking care of myself. I’m still not up to making all my meals, still need to talk out loud to myself in order to get on the treadmill. But there’s something about these more challenging tasks that takes me out of myself, that makes me lose track of time and feel completely absorbed in what I’m doing. So maybe that’s where to start when you’re trying to come back from the depths of despair. Maybe it’s not the easiest things that happen first- maybe it’s feeling you can do something special, something other people might never attempt, and succeeding. Maybe that’s the way back to finding yourself again.

Unintentional 90-Day No-Buy and the Latest Number-Crunching

January 28, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Capsule Wardrobe, Clothes, Minimalism

I’ve been reading a lot online about clothing “no-buy” or “low-buy” challenges lately and my interest has been piqued. If you’re not familiar with the terms, a “no-buy” is when you refrain from buying clothing (or cosmetic items, etc.) for a certain period of time (30 days, 90 days, 1 year). In the case of a “low-buy”, you usually limit yourself to a certain number of items or a certain budget. It seems like a worthwhile endeavor for anyone looking to minimize their spending as well as their carbon footprint.

I thought I’d take a look at my recent purchases to see how I measure up, and whether this type of challenge could be beneficial for me. This is when I realized something surprising: I haven’t purchased any clothing in more than 90 days- it’s been 116 days to be exact. Since my weight has been relatively stable these past few months, I haven’t had to buy anything to accommodate any weight fluctuation. And I guess I just haven’t felt the need to shop retail- or even thrift- for some time.

Aside from factoring in my stabilized weight, there’s also my dipping into storage to consider. Some sweaters, pajamas, workout clothes, and even underwear have been freed from the storage bin and incorporated into my minimal wardrobe. I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep pulling items from storage going forward as my weight continues to change.

This makes me wonder how long I can keep this “no-buy” going. Is it possible that I’ve reached a point where I can stop constantly buying pants? I’m not so sure. I don’t have any men’s pants in smaller sizes, and since they’ve become a staple for me, that’s one gap I’ll probably need to fill in my future wardrobe. But otherwise, I might have enough in storage to make up the rest.

In any case, I thought it would be a good time to do a little “clothing accounting.” The last time I ran the numbers was in Crunching Numbers and Capsule Wardrobe Updates, May 1st, 2019.

Since then, here’s what we’re looking at (it’s currently the end of January, 2020):

Number of clothing items purchased: 26
Number of items returned: 5
Number of items kept: 21
Total spent on clothing after returns: $232.98

Here’s the breakdown:
Socks/bras/underwear purchased: 13
8/7/19 3 pairs underwear (Macy’s) $30
10/4/19 3 pairs underwear (Kohl’s) $30
10/4/19 1 bra (Kohl’s) $27.60 (exchanged for another size on 10/5/19)
10/4/19 3-pack socks (TJ Maxx) $6.99
10/4/19 3-pack socks (TJ Maxx) $5.99
Total spent on socks/bras/underwear: $100.58

Capsule clothing items and shoes purchased: 8
5/27/19 ASOS white tee $14.49
5/27/19 Adidas back-up sneakers (TJ Maxx) $34.99
8/15/19 Size 38 501 Levi’s (thrifted) $11.99
9/13/19 Size 36 501 Levi’s (Ebay) $18.55
9/13/19 Grey flannel men’s pants size 38 (Ebay) $18.15
9/25/19 Size 40 501 Levi’s (Ebay) $16.24
9/25/19 Black men’s dress pants size 38 (Ebay) $14.99
9/25/19 Everlane Pink Air Tee $25+$6 restocking fee-$28 credit=$3.00
Total spent on shoes and capsule clothing: $132.40

Almost half my total spent went towards socks, bras, and underwear. These items were all bought new from department stores since I could not find any suitable ethical/sustainable options in plus sizes and thrifting was ruled out for obvious reasons. Of the remaining 8 clothing items, 5 were thrift/Ebay finds, 1 was from a sustainable/ethical brand, and 2 were standard retail purchases. I’m happy with that result, but I can always aim to do better.

One major issue I had with this round of purchases was the number of failures (3). The ASOS white tee was stiffer and less comfortable than the one it was bought to replace, and so barely got worn. (I couldn’t return it because I’d already washed it.) The size 40 Levi’s never looked right from the start, but it wasn’t worth paying the shipping to return them, so they went into the discard pile. And the infamous Everlane Air Tee fell apart after only 2 wears, so it never really established residency in my wardrobe. This amounts to a waste of $33.73, as well as the resources used to manufacture the T-shirts and the environmental impact of all the shipping involved.

Budget-wise, if I total everything up and divide it by the approximate number of months (9), it comes out to $25.89 per month. This is a vast improvement over my last monthly average of $77 or so a month (for 5 months), but it still sounds like a lot for barely buying clothes. I guess knowing that half of it was for socks and underwear, it does make more sense. It seems like these categories are an unfortunate necessity, especially considering the limited plus-size options in ethical/sustainable brands. I’d love to be able to buy these high-turnover, non-thriftable items from Organic Basics, but they have yet to offer larger sizes. And my faith in Everlane as an option has waned. I’m clearly not convinced their clothes are of good quality. So it seems like Ebay, thrift stores, and those necessary evils- the department stores- are still my best bets.

Planning to Plan

January 14, 2020 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism, Mental Illness

As the year came to a close and the pages in my bullet journal started to dwindle, I decided it would be a good time to start fresh. I went online and found the official Bullet Journal notebook- it has page numbers and an index so you can find what you’re looking for, and a guide for all the little symbols and what they mean. I imagined I would put all my written information into this one little notebook this year; in the past I’d only kept certain random lists inside, along with my habit tracker and calendar. But this year I wanted to go for it. I listened to the audiobook, The Bullet Journal Method, and really got into it. I decided I’d keep to-do lists, calendars, brainstorming sessions, song ideas, blog entries- all of it- inside my bullet journal. I experimented with the pages at the end of my old bullet journal. I started by “rapid logging”- jotting down every random task or idea that was on my mind next to a bullet, getting it all down on paper.

Well, that list was totally overwhelming and I couldn’t put a dent in it any which way, especially since some of the items were huge projects with many smaller tasks involved. I divided the list by topic, placing a letter next to each item that had been moved to another list: H was for Household Projects, V was for Videos, B was for Blog, etc. There were “Life Administrative” tasks, songwriting stuff, workout information, medical to-dos, and on and on. I ended up with so many different lists that I couldn’t fathom staying on top of them all on a daily basis. I also couldn’t figure out a good way to break down the bigger projects. Once an item had been “migrated” to a more specific list, I thought I’d put a page number next to the bigger tasks. That would tell me where to find the breakdown of steps for that particular project.

I tried explaining this customized system to Matt, whose head I could practically see spinning, and grew less and less confident in how helpful all of this was. I tried to tell myself that this was the simplest way to keep track of everything- using the method and symbols of the official bullet journal, conceived by Ryder Carrol of BulletJournal.com (and author of the aforementioned book). I explained to Matt what all of the little dots and arrows and slashes meant, all the while growing more and more aware that this wasn’t going to work.

I thought about how my current system for blogging had been working just fine, and that there was really no reason to change it: I keep a running list of blog topics in my Notes app on my phone, handwrite my first drafts into designated notebooks, then type the entries into Notes when I finish. Sometimes I outline ideas on scratch paper when I need to organize my thoughts. I thought about how my habit tracker had been working just fine; it allows me to keep records of my daily activities for reference when I’m changing medication or just want to remember a timeline. I thought about how much room I need to sketch out a project, and how often I need to write and rewrite lists in order to wrap my head around them. And I realized that if I really wanted to put everything into a bullet journal, I’d blow through a journal every month. As a minimalist, that sounded like a nightmare of records to store and keep, and constantly transferring notebooks sounded like way too much trouble in general.

I decided it was time to let go of the bullet journal idea and embrace the vast and complex systems I already use, improving upon them where I could. The thing I really felt like I was missing was a way to break things down into smaller steps. I looked into some organizational apps- Things, Evernote, and Trello. I watched YouTube tutorials and evaluated their usefulness. I settled on Trello as a good solution to my list-within-list problem. In Trello, you have “boards”, each of which has a general title. Within each board, you can name a “list” which consists of any number of “cards.” Within each card, you can keep a running “checklist” of to-dos. This allows me to keep lists within lists within lists- exactly what I was looking for. I created 4 boards. Life Admin, for example, has several lists inside: Medical, Household, Shopping, etc. Each list has a card for each task- under Shopping, for instance, I have a card that says, “Buy running shoes.” Then on “the back” of that card is a checklist of each step involved with buying said shoes: wear old shoes to running shoe store, ask for similar shoes, try on shoes, etc. This may seem like a level of micro-tasking that most people wouldn’t find necessary, but for me it takes an overwhelming task and turns it into something smaller and more manageable. So that’s Trello- my dream to-do list app.

Next I went into my Notes app and made several folders: Blog Topics, YouTube Ideas, Books, Ebay, etc. Each folder contains lists which never really go away. I have a running list of blog topics, a list of books I’ve read or want to read, another of Ebay selling information. These are not tasks to be checked off, but references I can always keep with me and add to as things come to mind.

Next is my bullet journal. I decided to keep the best parts of my bullet journal as a kind of permanent record. I keep four “spreads” in there that continue every month. First is my “habit tracker,” which I’ve mentioned before. I check off when I’ve showered, when I’ve done laundry, when I’ve written a blog, etc., making note of any specific events or tasks. Then there’s a gym calendar to track my workouts, a pill calendar to track my meds, and also something new: a gratitude page where I write down 3 things I’m grateful for each night. I’m attempting to stifle my gag reflex on this one since I’ve heard this can significantly impact mental health and might actually be a worthwhile endeavor.

Okay, we’re up to 3 systems- stay with me. In addition, I have my blog notebooks for handwritten entries. I have my “scratch” notebook for brainstorming. And then there’s my songwriting notebook where I jot down song ideas before they get entered into my computer. That’s a grand total of 6 systems.

Now I love my bullet journal, but one of the first rules of bullet journaling is to find what works for you. And so far, my 6-system method is working great. I feel like I finally have room for everything in my head. And I feel like I get credit for doing every little task involved with my bigger projects. On those inevitable days when I feel like I “got nothing done,” I can always find something to check off in Trello or on my habit tracker. Sometimes I even go backwards and add a task to Trello after I’ve already done it- I just feel good checking it off. And everything on there goes into an “archive” I can always look back on if I feel the need to pat myself on the back.

If failing to plan is planning to fail, I think I’m out of the woods. I find it’s planning to plan that’s the hardest part. Are there simpler ways to keep track of your life? Sure. But it’s only by spreading things out and getting specific about the nitty-gritty that I’m able to tackle any of it. And when I’m not sure what to do next, I can just look over my lists and pick something small.

Hobbit House Tour

November 22, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism, Mental Illness

I thought I’d give a thorough tour of our little rented apartment here in Würzburg, Germany, which we refer to as the “Hobbit House.” The place is rather quirky and aesthetically challenging, but we manage to make it work.

On our last trip here, I desperately fought against the ugly decor, hiding things away and buying organizational supplies at the Euro Shop. I tend to rearrange all of our temporary accommodations in whatever city we travel to for Matt’s work, sometimes rearranging furniture, often just focusing on putting away our supplies and suitcases and keeping the clutter under control. But this always seems to make things worse for Matt, who is an “out of sight, out of mind” type of person. He prefers to let his necessities scatter across the apartment, finding things more quickly this way than if they were tucked away. So this trip, rather than fight against his instincts, I’ve tried to embrace the situation and allow for some organized chaos. Matt’s working so hard here and is so pressed for time that he needs to keep things where he can see them.

I’ve also decided to surrender to the hideous decor. Despite my best efforts last time, I was never satisfied with the way things looked anyway. It’s hard to see such a potentially gorgeous apartment filled with offensive decorations, but apart from disassembling the whole shebang and throwing it out the window, I just don’t see any way around it. So this time, I didn’t buy any little baskets at the Euro Shop, I left the homemade paintings on the walls, and aside from hiding the ugliest things, just let it be.

Heading up to the apartment is a steep staircase; the apartment sits in the eaves of the building’s roof so it’s a four flight trek up to the top every time you come home. Once inside, there’s a very practical coat rack to your left which holds a myriad of coats and shopping bags which are so necessary here (we stash our bottles from drinking water here, too, since you have to turn them in at the supermarket). Next to that is a closet, also very practical as it fits all of our clothes and even hides away our suitcases. The right side has a little bench where dirty laundry lives.

Moving on to a grand sweep of the place, you’ll see two grubby, slightly futuristic and suspiciously IKEA-esque couches, coffee table in between. The coffee table has been the location of a lot of sprawling clutter, so I’ve attempted to contain it into the little cardboard boxes that our apples come in. I’ve also repurposed a tissue box to hold my pill bag and my headphones. There was an area rug here, but I dropped a drinking glass on it and the glass shattered. With no vacuum cleaner to tidy up, I just rolled the rug up and shoved it under one of the couches. Needless to say, I don’t miss it. Oh, and there was also a pillow in the shape of a rabbit (see photo); I threw it straight onto the top of the wardrobe upon our arrival.

To your right is a beautiful spiral staircase with a hideous TV cart under it. The bathroom just beyond it has a rather shocking choice of tile going on, but also has sufficient storage between the counter over the sink and the shelves behind the door. I don’t bother tidying up in there since entropy always wins out anyway. I figure if I need something, I’ll go looking for it, so I haven’t even emptied my travel bag- it just sits on the shelf above the towel rack where we hang the bath mat to dry.

Next to the bathroom is the little spare room where we keep most of our food and other supplies. I stashed some dried flowers in there along with a gross kettle, an ancient hairdryer, and a toaster that smells like burning plastic when you try to use it. Note the only curtains we didn’t manage to remove, as well as one of our TK Maxx towels drying on the chair (it’s really just the only place for it). There’s a clothing rack which is great for airing out clothes that aren’t quite ready for the wash. And then there’s the infamous little bed where I hide from the world almost every day at some point. This is where I cry and nap and where Matt rubs my feet when things get particularly bad.

The real coup de grace is the “kitchen” where you really can’t do much cooking. It’s equipped with a microwave, toaster oven (that seems to slowly dehydrate food as opposed to toasting it), the kettle we bought on Amazon, a small sink, and a mini-fridge. With so little fridge space, groceries must be bought every day, a task Matt usually takes on first thing every morning. I did manage to clear out a single drawer for some of our food when I went on a tear and sterilized everything in the kitchen.

There’s a nice-sized dining table with very dirty cushions on the chairs where we eat our meals, and where our second towel dries. From here there’s a view of one of the offending pieces of art- I hid it last time, but this time I just got over it. There are always bits and bobs on the table along with our fruit and my food scale (Amazon again) for weighing out exact portions. You might notice that there are no curtains on the kitchen and living room windows. They were so dusty and depressing that we elected to take them down and stuff them in the back of the closet. The views out the windows are actually not bad if you can see past all the dirt, and due to the angled walls, you don’t have to worry about anyone seeing you in your underwear.

The last stop on this little tour is the loft bedroom. The bed is composed of two twin beds with separate twin comforters, plus a blanket from Amazon that we try to share. I usually end up squished up against the wall and Matt ends up between the two mattresses. I find this little nook in the eaves comforting, but Matt gets a bit claustrophobic despite the lovely view of a nearby cathedral. This room got the biggest makeover: I removed a sharp-cornered shelf from the bed area and then stashed a bunch of crap at the other end of the loft. There are some gold and glass end tables, a wicker chair, a fake ficus, and a very, very dirty rug.

And that about sums it up. I’d say I can’t complain, but I guess I already did. I’m really trying to practice acceptance of this imperfect reality. Because what else is there?

I've Already Packed Wrong

November 04, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Minimalism

This is really no great surprise. I knew I was packing for a wide range of temperatures, having no idea what havoc climate change might wreak upon Germany during my visit. I packed based on the knowledge that it had already dropped to freezing temperatures this fall in the town we’re staying in. But I also packed based on the shocking, record-setting highs we experienced in Berlin in June earlier this year. Yet another factor in my planning was the knowledge that there would be no surprise washing machine in our apartment the way there was in Berlin (we’ve stayed in this place before and I could pretty much guarantee that there haven’t been any “improvements” since then). So I was sure I’d have to get through at least a week between washings. I packed knowing that I’d be exercising 6 days a week, as is strictly regimented for the sake of my mental health. And I packed knowing it had rained in this little town every day for the two weeks prior to our departure. This all resulted in a 50 pound suitcase plus backpack, and an unhappy time for all.

I first realized I had packed wrong during our journey to Germany. Wheeling my unwieldy suitcase through the Dublin airport on our stopover, outside in the rain for what seemed like a half-mile to the hotel shuttle bus stop, hauling it on and off said shuttle bus on the way to the hotel, hauling it on and off the shuttle bus yet again on our return to the airport, then up and down various stairs and escalators just to check the bag in again, I decided I had made some bad packing decisions. Upon arriving in Frankfurt, I realized again how wrongly I had packed, hauling my suitcase off the baggage claim, sweating and cursing my way to the adjacent train station, waiting with the bags by a garbage can while Matt sprinted to the grocery store to buy us some snacks for the train. We hauled our bags onto the train, praying that we had followed the map of the train cars correctly so we’d board near our seats and not have to make the walk of shame through car after car with our massive luggage. Upon our surprising success, we found room in the designated space for larger luggage and crammed ourselves and our backpacks into our seats. We enjoyed a sweaty yogurt and a Larabar before arriving at our destination where we dragged our bags down and then up the stairs of the train station and pushed them through more rain to the taxi stand. Once we reached the apartment, Matt carried the suitcases, one at a time, up the five flights of stairs to our apartment while I dealt with the backpacks and duffel bag.

Throughout this whole debacle, we kept questioning where we had gone wrong. Why was no one around us suffering the way we were? Why was nobody else sweating or struggling or even running for the train? Beyond that, why were my favorite bloggers recommending using a facial mist on the plane when I couldn’t even reach down to get a pen from my backpack without injuring several other passengers? Why are other bloggers harping on about the importance of drinking lots of water on planes in order to “stay hydrated”? I was trying not to drink anything because I avoid the airplane bathrooms like the plague, especially considering I might actually catch one from using them.

What is it that we’re not getting here? Do we pack too much? Do we stay away for too long? I kept thinking of those old movies where a woman goes on vacation to the Bahamas for 6 weeks and has porters loading trunks and hat boxes onto carts and wheeling them around while she is impeccably dressed in a skirt and heels, not a hair out of place. Is that the problem? Does traveling with more than a carry-on require servants? We couldn’t possibly be the only people with heavy bags, but we were certainly the only people schlepping them up and down escalators in search of food with the caloric content printed on it.

And now, having endured all that, the mild weather here has been an absolute affront. It’s alternately sunny and cool, then muggy and raining, leaving you somehow both sweating through your clothes yet always a little too chilly. I cannot figure out what to wear. Sweaters seem like too much, but my parka sounds like a good idea. I don’t want to drench the hems of my trousers in the rain, so I keep throwing on skinny jeans to run down to the shops. I’m spending most of my time in gym clothes or pajamas, but since I’m managing to wear them multiple times without washing them, the quantities seem wholly excessive. I keep reaching for the same lightweight socks, so as one would expect, my 18 pairs seem completely over the top.

It just goes to show that with climate change, you really can’t predict the weather these days. It also goes to show that despite my meticulous tracking and analysis of my wardrobe during my last trip, I still have no sense of what I wear and how much I wear it. In this case, I put it down to season. What I wore in June doesn’t really help me in October. And what was plenty of stuff when we had a washer may be too little without one. Matt did our laundry for the first time on Sunday, and between our dirtying of all the towels and going through so many workout T-shirts, it was no small feat. (It just dawned on me that if I’d really packed “correctly,” I’d be hauling my entire suitcase to the laundromat every week. Phew.)

Maybe it’s OK to just recognize how wrong I’ve been, and hope that I learn from this trip. Then again, we still have 7 weeks left, so who knows what I’ll need during that time? I know I’m more than prepared, but I do wish I didn’t have to carry all this luggage here and back. Since I don’t see a butler entering my life anytime in the near future, I guess I just have to put up with it this time.

Even More Packing

November 01, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Minimalism

Well, I’ve met my limit. My weight limit. For my suitcase. Let me start at the beginning.

I easily fit all my clothes for Germany into one half of my new suitcase, and only had to fit shoes and vitamins and a few bits and bobs into the other side. There was so much room left that Matt even piled in some of his clothes. But when we weighed it all with our little luggage scale, it was over 60 pounds. The limit for checked bags is 23 kilos (or 50 pounds), so this would not fly (get it?). And this is what kills me: Why do they make suitcases this big if you can’t fill them without going over weight?

Matt’s smaller suitcase was a measly 35 pounds, so we started the endless game of redistributing the heavy items to get them both under the limit. But there were still lots of things we hadn’t packed yet- two pounds of Larabars, for example. We always stock up on these for travel since we save so much money on airport/airplane/train station food. And then my modest amount of toiletries contributed to the heft, too- I guess two months worth of eczema cream and medicated shampoo really add up. Once all the last-minute things went in- our electric toothbrush and charger, Matt’s electric clippers, etc.- both bags were pushing 50 pounds.

And then Matt decided to bring our DSLR camera onto the plane instead of checking it, and he thought it would be wise to wrap it up in a big sweatshirt and put it in a duffel bag. So then, somehow, things started being added to the duffel bag- my purse, some sandwiches, my scarf, etc.- and we ended up with a whole carry on bag in addition to our suitcases and backpacks (our backpacks count as “personal items” that hold our laptops, my pills, important notebooks, some liquids).

It’s moments like these that make me rethink this whole idea that I’m a minimalist at all. I always say to myself that packing for two months should be no different than packing for a week- we’ll be doing laundry, after all. But somehow it never works out that way for me. I dream of fitting everything I need into a carry-on roller bag and a purse like I see the bloggers doing, but give me an inch and I apparently take 23 kilos.

Matt tried to start pulling out some of his clothes: “I don’t need two sweatshirts,” he said. But he wears one every day to rehearsal, so I insisted he bring them both. His clothes were clearly not the problem. I mean, how much could a sweatshirt really weigh? My vitamins weigh 3 pounds. Now there’s something I wish I could leave behind. But I’ve never seen vitamins for sale in Germany, and I couldn’t be sure that I could buy them there. Well, what about our shoes? Were they the problem? I don’t think so. Between the two of us there were just 3 pairs of sneakers and Matt’s dress shoes. I racked my brain, trying to come up with some way to cut back, but I just couldn’t. We legitimately needed everything we packed.

And it all makes me wonder why they never show this part of packing in all those “Pack With Me” Youtube videos and blogs. The rearranging of items, the consideration of weight limits. They always show you how to roll up your clothes and put them in little packing cubes, not a luggage scale in sight. But I’ve never had an issue with fitting things in- that seems pretty basic to me. I don’t require any instruction on how to cram things into my suitcase. It’s a strategic approach to the weight limit that I want to know about. With most European airlines weighing your carry-on as well as your checked bag, I really want to know exactly what people are doing. The only weight-related tip I can find is to wear your heaviest items on the plane to keep your suitcase a little lighter. I already do this- I’d never dream of trying to pack my boots or my belt when I can just wear them free of charge.

Are they just not showing the reality in those packing videos? Are they paying overweight fees at check-in? Are they squatting on the floor, pulling items out of their checked bag and wearing them instead? No one’s ever mentioned it. Every time I check my bag, I’m holding my breath that our scale was accurate enough and that we won’t end up on the airport floor, frantically rearranging our personal effects while trying not to get stepped on.

So what am I doing wrong? Do I just have maximalist tendencies when it comes to travel? I don’t know. I think one glaring difference between me and those minimalist packers is that I have to pack my pills. My backpack is full of them, leaving little room for anything else. And those 3 pounds of vitamins certainly don’t help anything. Then with Matt still battling a sinus infection, he has his own medicine cabinet’s worth of drugs to take with him (you can’t buy things like Sudafed or melatonin in Germany, so you have to plan ahead with the over-the-counter stuff, too).

After all was said and done, I still ended up with (including my plane outfit) 4 pairs of pants, 4 sweaters, 3 pairs of shoes, 2 coats, 3 pairs of leggings, a fleece, a button-down, a scarf, and all the requisite T-shirts, socks, bras, and underwear. Sure, I could have cut back, but with the weather being so drastically unpredictable, I couldn’t figure out how. And so I have a giant suitcase and a backpack to lug around, plus Matt has the duffel bag, too.

No matter how many times we take these two-month trips, I never seem to get the hang of packing. I can’t get it into my head that I always need less than I bring, that it’s no great tragedy if I run out of socks and have to buy a pair. I insist on being over-prepared and over-burdened. Maybe next time will be better- simpler, I think. But I think I’m just an over-packer. There, I said it. Renounce my minimalist membership right now.

Packing Panic

October 29, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Mental Illness, Minimalism

I’ve been laying low lately. Matt’s still sick and I haven’t been up to going out by myself. We’re still exercising daily, but I’ve lost several days otherwise to just staying in bed, panicking. Our departure for our next Germany trip is imminent, and I’m focused, of course, on packing.

My anxiety is probably more related to the upheaval of my routine, the stress of traveling, and the memory of my despair the last time we lived in this little town called Würzburg. That was almost exactly two years ago, and I’d had to return home almost a month early because of problems with my medication- specifically, that it had stopped working. I was taking Adderall and had had great improvement overall, but at that time it had been several months on the stuff. And as one would experience with any amphetamine, I developed a tolerance to it and was getting diminishing returns. I started bingeing and couldn’t stop, and Matt had to come home from long days at work to me sobbing and feeling suicidal.

But now, as is so common for me, my anxiety is manifesting as concern about clothes. I’m often lying in bed with Matt, going over and over various packing plans. We’ve managed to hem all our pants that needed hemming- well, Matt really did it all- but I did manage to make a decision about just how long my new black dress pants should be. It had me seized up for some time: Do I hem them to the right length to wear with boots? With sneakers? Heels? We eventually settled on a length that worked for both boots and sneakers, and I’m actually surprised at how great they look with my white Adidas sneakers. I feel very Scandi-chic. So my men’s pants are all set- I’ll pack these black ones and my grey ones.

But I want to bring a pair of jeans, too, and that’s become an issue. After wearing my newly-doctored jeans with the “button extender,” I decided it was just ridiculous to walk around with my top button unbuttoned and stashed them away in my storage bin. Then I went back to the most-recently-purchased-on-Ebay jeans: the ones marked 40 but that have a 38 inch waist. I’ve decided they look like clown pants, so they’re not coming to Europe either. So much for my Ebay denim finds. This leaves me with only two more options: my black skinny jeans, which are pretty baggy and therefore not necessarily offensive to my sensibilities, and my blue skinny jeans which I had resolutely decided against wearing in the recent past. I felt rather strongly that they were somehow objectifying and ruled them out of my wardrobe. But I left them in my closet, and they’ve started to look more and more like a decent option. I hemmed and hawed over it for days, and finally decided that I was in a desperate-enough situation to wear them. So I’ll wear the black ones on the plane, and pack the blue pair as my fourth option for pants. I rationalized this by saying how it would probably rain a lot and I wouldn’t want my men’s pants’ hems to get wet, so skinny jeans would be a practical choice. This also spared me from any panicky shopping and spending $60 on jeans that might only fit for a couple of months. So pants are finally settled.

T-shirts are pretty easy- I’ll bring all 9, knowing we won’t have a washer and I’ll have to get through at least a week between laundry days. Also, they’re small and light, so no great burden to my suitcase. Underwear are the same case- bring all 12 since they’re small and light, plus we’ll be going to the gym so I’ll need some spares. For some reason I still find it necessary to travel with 18 pairs of socks: 6 for working out, 6 for boots, and 6 for sneakers (my new thinner crew socks are designated for sneakers in colder weather). Again, they’re small and light, so I can justify it. I know I’ll bring both my coats- the parka and the raincoat, wearing the parka on the plane so I can squish it into its little bag and use it as a pillow when I inevitably get too hot. I’ve already decided not to bring any heels for opening night- I’ll just wear my boots, figuring no one will notice anyway. My black silky blouse with my black pants should dress them up enough.

But now the real dilemma: layers. Since I’ll have both coats, I feel pretty covered (get it?) weather-wise. But if it gets really cold, I’ll need to think about sweaters and whatnot. I think I’ll bring my green shirt- it can go over sweaters or be worn as a light jacket on its own. But I’ve been in a fit of anxiety trying to decide on sweaters. I only own 7, and one is strictly for summer, so you think it’d be easy. But it’s hard to not just pack your whole capsule wardrobe- when you have so little, every item seems essential. But I have to narrow it down.

My super-thick grey zip-up cardigan is really bulky, but seems absolutely necessary. My grey and black cashmere pullovers are a no-brainer; they’re both lightweight and super warm. Part of me wants to just bring those two. But I keep thinking it’ll get freezing cold and I’ll be left with not enough warm clothes. I also worry about my two favorite sweaters getting worn out, since I’ll most likely need a sweater every day. So I’m thinking maybe my thicker pink cashmere pullover would be good too, even if just to wear around the apartment, or to add a little color to my wardrobe. I also own a thinner, black, non-cashmere sweater and a really light grey cardigan with pointelle holes in the sleeves. I’ve been over and over it in my mind, thinking of what could be worn on the plane and what might be necessary in unpredictable weather. We were really thrown on our last trip to Berlin by scorching temperatures and high humidity when the summers are supposed to be mild there. This time around, Matt heard from a colleague that it’s already hit zero degrees Celsius (freezing), so I need to be prepared for winter temperatures.

After a ridiculous amount of contemplation and discussion with Matt, going through every possible combination, I hit upon a novel idea: I wouldn’t bring the warmest or the lightest options. I’d bring all 3 cashmere options, the pink one being quite thick, and then wear the thinner black non-cashmere sweater on the plane. I usually get really hot when traveling, so it seems like a good lightweight layer for both airports and mild weather.

All of these clothes fit into one half of my suitcase except for shoes- my Adidas and my running shoes. I’ll wear my belt and scarf on the plane with one of my T-shirts, the black jeans, and my boots. Now I just have to figure out everything else.

Why Are My Clothes So Boring?

October 08, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Capsule Wardrobe, Minimalism

It’s not lost on me that my clothes are pretty boring. For a blog called Mood and Clothes, you’d think I’d have more OOTDs or fashion spreads. But if you hadn’t guessed by now, my real passion lies in the simplifying of my wardrobe and the refinement of my personal style.

My favorite blog ever has to be the now-defunct Dead Fleurette. She sought the “perfect” wardrobe, owned a shockingly small collection of pieces, and wrote of her deep consideration over what to buy and what to get rid of. I pored over her every word, every list of clothing items, every collage of possible purchases. I can only find a few archived blogs of hers online now, but Dead Fleurette is truly the inspiration for my own writing about clothes. So in that spirit, I’ve come up with a whole list of reasons for exactly why my clothes are what they are.

1. Minimalism. The fact of the matter is that I love having less. Fewer options mean fewer choices, which means less decision fatigue and less waste. I’d rather have a small, curated collection of items that I actually use than a vast array of things that get little use or attention. I love the efficiency of minimalism, the process of deliberating over choices, and the clarity and beauty of simple things.

2. I’m very picky. I have extremely specific preferences when it comes to clothes. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I know that I don’t like dresses, blazers, ruffles, or V-necks. I know that I like neutral or muted, subdued colors. I know how I like a T-shirt to fit: wide and open at the neckline, slightly fitted through the bust, and boxy and relaxed through the body. I know these things from years of trial and error. I know I don’t like dresses because I’ve owned probably a hundred in my life and not one has made me feel good. I know I don’t like blazers the way I know I don’t like fuchsia. For whatever reason, on my body, it just never feels right. And after many years of trying, I’ve finally given myself permission to admit it.

3. Uniform Dressing. I don’t like spending a lot of time getting dressed. While I may love shopping and deliberating over cuts and colors, when I wake up and put clothes on, I want it to be simple. I want all my options to be good ones so I don’t have to think too much in the moment about what to wear. This means I tend to gravitate toward uniform dressing, I.e. wearing basically the same thing every day. The formula right now is: men’s pants+boots+T-shirt+sweater or else men’s jeans+sneakers+T-shirt+sweater.

4. No impulse shopping. I no longer buy things on a whim. I used to shop randomly, picking up anything that I simply “liked,” regardless of how it would fit (or not fit) into my wardrobe. I always ended up with a bunch of cocktail dresses, a wool cape, a headband, and a frilly top that made me look like a giant baby. And oh, yeah. Those 2 T-shirts that I actually wear. So now I know what I’m looking for and I stay focused. I’m realistic about what I’ll actually wear and only buy those things. This does mean, however, that I don’t have a colorful closet full of all those fun things I never wear.

5. They don’t have good colors. I always value fit over color. Choosing an item of clothing based on what color it is seems arbitrary and bizarre in my mind. So when I find the perfect fit, the right drape, the best material and construction and style, that’s always what I go for. But the color options are not always great. I like black, navy, and grey (that is apparent from a glance at my wardrobe). But I’m often limited to those colors not by my own choosing, but by the utter lack of acceptable alternatives. I love white, light blue, blush, camel, deep green, and even eggplant. Yet somehow the options are usually yellow, orange, neon pink, or tomato red. There might be a garish teal or chartreuse in the mix, but I just can’t stomach it. (And did you ever notice that those colors are always the ones on sale because they know the good colors are the neutrals? Why don’t they just make more neutrals?)

Conclusion: I don’t mean to be so boring. I really don’t. Just because I’m a minimalist doesn’t mean I don’t like color- I do. The good ones are just hard to find. I’d love to have a wardrobe more like that of A Small Wardrobe. She’s created a 34-item wardrobe that is full of lovely subdued colors: muted gold, mauve, pale pink, oatmeal, white, light blue, stone, deep red, eggplant, jade green, and yes, black, grey, and navy. Why can’t I do the same? Am I not investing enough time? Enough money? Probably both.

Here are a few items I’m obsessing over at the moment, in subtle colors, but colors all the same:

These two T-shirts are from Everlane, and I thought the pale pink hue might add some color I can get on board with. (FYI Everlane, a brand known for its ethical and sustainable practices, now has some slightly larger sizes.) The first one is the Air Oversized Crew Tee and the second one’s the Cotton Box-Cut Pocket Tee. The funny thing is, I apparently once ordered the Pocket Tee (right) in grey and hated it so I sold it on Ebay. So I guess that one’s out. I can’t remember what was so bad about it, but I know the purchase was the result of receiving a $25 promotional credit. I’ve been notified that I have another $25 credit there for “referring a friend” so I could potentially try the Air Tee for free.

This shirt is also from Everlane and is called the Japanese Oxford Square Shirt. They have a blue and white stripe, a light blue, and a bright white. I’m obsessed with the cut of this but am afraid it will be too long and look like a maternity top. The sizing is also a nightmare to try and figure out- some of the reviews say to size down by 2 sizes and some say it’s true to size. I also have no idea what size I am in general, and then I don’t know for how long it would still fit me if I lose weight. It’s also a little pricey at $68, so I’m finding it hard to commit.

And then there’s this white Short Sleeve Swing Tee from Vince that’s on sale for $30. I know the quality would be good- I’ve always had good luck reselling Vince T-shirts on Ebay, so they definitely have longevity. I also love my Vince sweaters. Tempting.

Gym and Pajama Capsule Updates, Accessories, and Packing Plans

September 30, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Capsule Wardrobe, Minimalism

It’s been a while since I laid out what I have for gym clothes, pajamas, and accessories, and since I’m starting to plan my packing for Germany again, I thought I’d take a look. Here’s my 19-item gym capsule:

Okay. So, the top row is my cold weather running outfit: Under Armour base layer top and leggings, water-resistant hoodie, and RBX top layer joggers. Everything’s lined in fleece and works in really cold conditions. I don’t know if I’ll really need this full outfit for Germany since it tends to be milder there, and we’re back home by the beginning of December. But the hoodie and top are good layering pieces and the leggings and joggers are good on their own. Next are my sports bras and T-shirts: I’ll bring 3 bras for alternate running days, and all the T-shirts since I plan on working out 6 days a week. I’ll be doing the pajama top/gym top mash-up where I wear one shirt to bed and then work out in it the next day- there are 4 of each, so 8 total. Then we have my other leggings and pants: The first pair are definitely good for fall weather since they are really long and cover my ankles. The next pair are too cropped, the Under Armour ones are too thin, and the sweatpants are really only for layering in winter. I don’t think I’ll need anything more than 3 pairs: the cold-weather leggings and joggers and the long navy leggings (I tend to re-wear leggings 2 days in a row since I don’t sweat much on alternate weight-lifting days). And then there’s my fleece which is too bulky to pack, so I’ll just stick with the hoodie instead. The 3/4 sleeve sweatshirt is pretty useless and I’m not sure why I own it. And then, the absolute necessity, my running shoes.

Next up, gym accessories: I don’t think I’ll need the top-layer mittens, but I’ll probably need the rest.

And now onto pajamas- 20 pieces in all:

First off, there are my 4 pajama tops- those will be added to the 4 gym tees and worn for both sleep and working out. The tank tops and shorts can stay home, as well as the slippers. I have 2 sleep hoodies; I might bring the black one since it can be chilly in the apartment in Germany. And I think the grey striped pants and the two navy joggers will be sufficient for bottoms, so I’ll leave the pink pants and the taupe wide-leg pants behind.

And the last category I want to address is accessories. I don’t think anything has changed since I last posted about these, but here’s a recap and my thoughts on what to pack.

First we have scarves and winter accessories:

I think the blush Calvin Klein logo scarf (top left) will be the only one I bring on the trip, although I am toying with the idea of bringing a fancy one for opening night. For hats, I think I’ll just go with the pupley-grey wool one (bottom right).

I’ll be bringing the one men’s black belt (top left) and I’m kind of wondering if I will ever wear the other two. Maybe I’d better wait to see what pants I’m wearing before I remove those options. For handbags, the standard navy purse and my backpack will both be packed (and probably brought as carry-ons).

I think that covers it. Packing really makes it clear what my most-worn pieces are, and it makes me think about downsizing and going a little more minimal. But I feel like I have to wait until my weight settles before I get rid of anything- it’s kind of hard to predict what categories will suddenly start dwindling as things stop fitting. Like my pajama tank tops that are way too big in the arm holes, or my belts that only work with certain kinds of pants, at a certain weight, and have smaller counterparts in storage.

It’s much easier to be a minimalist when you stay the same size all the time. No one really talks about this. The other minimalists usually say to get rid of everything that doesn’t fit right now, but that just doesn’t make sense for me. I mean, I’m getting rid of the bigger clothes as my weight goes down and they no longer fit, but I still have all this perfectly good stuff that I know will work in the future.

Or am I just kidding myself? That stuff is from 2 years ago and I might not even like wearing it anymore. My recent try-on sessions have certainly made me start thinking about this. Can you ever really go back to what you wore before?

Capsule Wardrobe Update, Shoes, and Germany Preparations

September 29, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Capsule Wardrobe, Minimalism

I’ve just been taking stock of what I have in my current wardrobe so I can figure out what I need for our next trip to Germany. We’ll be there from October 10th until December 6th, so it should be pretty straightforward fall weather. It doesn’t snow there that much, so I can forgo the snow boots and heavy parkas, but I will need some layers for colder days. I recently added some sweaters from storage for that very purpose. Here’s my 26-item capsule wardrobe:

And that is what my year-round closet is looking like. Yes, I have 4 navy blue T-shirts. Yes, I have 3 black T-shirts. I never said it was pretty; it’s just what I’ve got. But I think I have a good solid base to start with. The oatmeal cotton sweater, linen pants, and white skirt aren’t great for fall, and the jeans are just way too big, so that puts me down to 22 pieces to work with. The black silky square-shaped blouse and skinny black jeans at the bottom are my “dressy” outfit for special occasions. The grey men’s pants were replaced by their smaller (identical) counterparts found on Ebay. But the jeans I ordered didn’t work out, and the joggers in storage were too small, so I’m still looking to round out my pants section, hopefully with a pair of men’s jeans that actually fit.

The “new” sweaters I’m thinking about packing are:

Lightweight, open, light grey cardigan with the brand label cut out
Black, super-soft, boxy pullover with the brand label cut out
Blush, cotton, boxy, H&M pullover
Full-zip, cable-knit, dark grey cardigan with a mock neck from Hinge

That gives me four sweaters to work with, plus the two cashmere sweaters I already had in my capsule. I certainly don’t need 6 sweaters for the trip- I’ll probably go with 4, but which ones I don’t know yet. We’ll see what’s practical as the weather starts to cool off. I just thought I’d take out everything that fit well and could give me more options for layering. For mild or chilly weather, I tend to wear a T-shirt and sweater every day, with a top layer if I need it. I’m thinking of wearing the long raincoat on the plane and bringing the “packable” parka that I can squish into its little bag. I don’t know if I need the tan jacket, green shirt, and hoodie, so I may narrow it down a bit. The thing is, we’re each checking a bag for this trip, so I do have the luxury of a little more room than on our last trip to Berlin.

For shoes, I think I’ll stick with what worked last time and wear the boots on the plane, although getting through security with the boots can be an issue. On our way home from Berlin, we weren’t required to take our shoes off, so the steel shank in my boots set off the metal detector. After an extensive conversation involving 3 security officers and a pat-down, they ran my boots through the scanner and discovered it was in fact the steel shank. I think I garnered a little respect from the officers; Germans do love a well-made shoe.

Anyway, I’ll be packing my Adidas sneakers and my running shoes. That way, if I have 3 pairs of pants- hopefully a new pair of men’s jeans, grey pants, and maybe my black skinny jeans? - that gives me equal wear of both the boots and the sneakers. The boots go with Levi’s or pants; the sneakers go with Levi’s or black skinny jeans.

The tricky part is Matt’s opening night: I can easily pack my silky blouse to dress up a pair of black skinny jeans, but heels would really be the only way to make it look right. I don’t know if I can spare the space for that, so I have thought about other options. One possibility would be to bring these cream wide-leg pants and wear the silky top and my boots:

The pants don’t fit just yet, but by opening night at the end of the trip they might… then again I don’t know if I can handle that kind of pressure. In any case, the pants might take up the same amount of space as the heels anyway, so maybe it’d be easier to just bring the shoes.

There’s always all this fuss for one night where I might not even have to socialize after the show. And then there have been times where I couldn’t even attend opening night, when I wasn’t feeling up to being in public. I really regret not getting to see Matt’s work, but when I can’t, I just can’t. It sucks.

So that’s where I’m at with my capsule and my packing plans. The only major shopping that needs to be done is finding some pants. Ideally, I’d like a new pair of men’s Levi’s and some kind of black men’s dress pants in a suiting material. I’d rather not rely on the black skinny jeans since they tend to make me feel bad about myself. For some reason, the black skinny jeans aren’t as bad as the blue ones, but still, I’d rather have something that makes me feel great. I feel like I keep trying to shortchange myself, saying, “Well, I’m in the home stretch. I almost fit into my old stuff, so why bother getting anything now?” But the reality is, weight loss is slow. Agonizingly slow. I’m at least 3 months away from fitting into my storage clothes, and I need to wear pants. Why torture myself over it?

MInimalism and Clutter Conflict

August 30, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism

Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui Smaller.jpg

If you’re on any kind of minimalist journey, or even have one in mind, you’re going to be getting rid of stuff. We hear a lot about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and the peace and serenity that an uncluttered home can bring. At the same time, we hear a lot about The True Cost of the impact our discarded clothing has on the environment. We’re faced with statistics on the small percentage of donated items that even make it into the thrift store (or to charitable causes), despite our good intentions. And thus, many of us might start out with great enthusiasm for decluttering, only to be faced with the guilt that our discarded items might end up in the trash. This conflict can bring things to an impasse, keeping us surrounded with clutter we don’t know how to get rid of responsibly. And my response to this conflict is that sometimes you just have to get the clutter off the premises and throw it away. No, it’s not ideal. No, it’s not the most environmentally sound habit to get into. But finding the will to let go of the clutter in the first place can be difficult enough- procrastinating on your discard pile because you’re “going to sell that on Ebay” ends up being a dead end for many people.

Now I’ve mentioned selling clothing items on Ebay myself, but the reasonable window of time for me to list the items has passed, so I’m sending the lot to Thredup instead. For clothes, this can be a great alternative, almost as easy as donating. But what about everything else? My view is, if you haven’t listed in on Craigslist or Ebay within a week, and it hasn’t sold within another week, you’re probably better off just putting it on the curb (or for free on Craigslist). There’s always a slight chance someone would pick up a decent piece of furniture, but most things will end up with the rest of your trash: in a landfill. I think if we really want to live free of clutter, we have to accept this unfortunate reality- and accept our mistakes in accumulating the stuff in the first place. Hopefully we can learn something about consumption along our minimalism journey, but if you imagine for a minute the amount of waste created by your local coffee shop or construction site in just one day, you will realize that your pile of junk is but a drop in the bucket. And delaying getting rid of your discard pile can be dangerous territory for anyone who is clutter-inclined. I myself am a long-time minimalist and rarely have much clutter to deal with. I’m notorious for getting rid of unnecessary things. I have extensive experience with both Craigslist and Ebay and have the resources to use them. But even I can accumulate clutter when left unchecked. If you’ve seen my most recent discard pile, you’ll see just how insidious clutter can be. I’ve ended up with about 40 pieces of excess or “outgrown” clothing after only 8 months of weight loss. If I don’t deal with it at this point, it could start to become a problem (clutter tends to grow: the more you have, the more accumulates).

So let’s say you’ve let go of your clutter, you’ve embraced a more minimalist lifestyle, and you’ve seriously considered your consumption habits. Something funny can start to happen: you find yourself replacing those very items you were so keen to get rid of. This can certainly happen with clothes- YouTube is full of “closet declutter” videos where the idea is simply to make room for this season’s new clothes. But it can also happen with other items- usually when you buy items with a more minimalist aesthetic: that all-white coffee table or that sleek new water bottle that had a perfectly good counterpart and really didn’t need replacing. So there is a point where discarding items can just be wasteful. But this is really a problem for more “advanced” minimalists- people who are no longer buried in clutter. Most people looking to declutter have a tendency to hang onto too much. So be realistic when you ask, “What if I need it someday?” If it’s unlikely you’ll need it, if you don’t know if you’ll need it, or if it’s easy to replace, then by all means let it go.

Marie Kondo suggests that you don’t use clear garbage bags when decluttering so you’re not tempted to claw things back as the bag sits in your hallway awaiting a trip to the charity shop. She also recommends not telling your family members when you’re decluttering (your own stuff, of course) so they’re not tempted to claw things back for themselves. In Karen Kingston’s book Clear Your Clutter With Feng Shui, she recalls an incident where a client was so afraid of discarding something she might need, she slept with several full garbage bags in her bedroom so she could rescue things in the middle of the night if necessary. Suffice it to say, she didn’t need to. She let it all go.

The Sizeable Discard Pile

August 19, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Clothes, Minimalism, Food, Capsule Wardrobe

Along my capsule wardrobe/weight loss “journey,” I’ve decided to part ways with a number of items. Most things simply got too big (17 of them to be exact). Some things got worn out (6 items plus socks and underwear). And then there were a bunch of things that just weren’t working for me (16 items). I feel guilty that I’m getting rid of so many clothes. I still have them all in a pile, occasionally pulling something out to see if I’ve changed my mind about it. But most of the things that I’m discarding for aesthetic reasons are too big now anyway. So it is what it is: I’m getting rid of 39 clothing items, 9 pairs of underwear, and a pile of socks. I’m left with 22 items in my capsule wardrobe. This means I’ve cycled through around 61 items of clothing in the past 8 months. This might seem excessive for a minimalist, but I’ve lost 40 pounds and changed up my style a bit, so allowances must be made. 22 items it is now, though I am still questioning my too-big J. Crew T-shirts, white skirt and blue skinny jeans. I just don’t know if I feel comfortable in those more feminine pieces. But if I get to be too much of a perfectionist about it, I’ll be left with nothing to wear.

Back to the sizable pile. My plan was to sell what I could on Ebay and donate the rest, hoping against hope that the donations don’t go directly to the landfill. But looking at the profit margins for selling the stuff on Ebay is pretty grim- with shipping costs constantly increasing, it’s hard to profit at all on lower-end clothing items. This isn’t necessarily a reason not to do it- my main goal is to give the stuff new homes and not have it end up as garbage. But knowing how much work is involved in making good Ebay listings, I don’t feel up to the task and am thinking I’ll give Thredup a try instead. The payouts would probably be close to nothing (less than a dollar in many cases), but at least I don’t have to take all those photos and measurements, then store and ship the stuff when it sells. And I think the stuff that’s not sellable- the stuff I’d be forced to donate- at least has a shot at being recycled. I don’t know for sure what Thredup does with the clothes that don’t sell, but it’s got to be better than going in the trash compactor at Savers.

I just ordered 3 bags from Thredup for “selling” as opposed to straight-up donating. I decided against having the rejects sent back to me for $10.99 per bag. They claim they will “responsibly recycle unaccepted items.” I may not get as much money for my Sorel boots or my Margot handbag, but at least I don’t have to charge $15 for shipping on Ebay. That’s always a deterrent to Ebay shoppers when buying heavy items, especially shoes, which are bulky too. But Thredup has a standard shipping fee of $5.99 which is waived altogether if you buy $79 worth of stuff, so there’s no deterrent to buying heavy items. As far as selling, some items are paid out to you upon receipt, but most are consigned, so you only get paid if and when they sell. In the past, I would sell thrifted high-end and designer items on Thredup and had very good luck with the whole system. The clothes I’m sending in now are nowhere near as expensive as those designer things, so I’m only expecting some dollar-and-change payouts at best. I’m really in it for how easy it is to give your clothes new homes, and in hopes of the “unaccepted items” actually being recycled (my area doesn’t have textile recycling).

I think 3 bags should be enough for everything including shoes- I mean, I’m not putting my socks and underwear in there or anything gross. But I’m excited to see how this goes. It said it would take 2 weeks for the bags to arrive, and then 2 weeks for the clothes to be processed. I’ll be sure to keep you posted. In the meantime, I’ll make sure I steam everything so it looks its best when it arrives. I used to wrap all my items in big sheets of plastic and roll them so they wouldn’t get wrinkled on the way. I’m not sure it’s worth the cost (and wastefulness) of the plastic this time, but it may be. It seems like they don’t steam the clothes once they arrive, so you have a better chance of seeing your stuff sell if you take pains to make it look good beforehand. I know that plus sizes are always good sellers, so I have high hopes my clothes will find homes after all. And hopefully I won’t need to cycle through so many clothes in the future.

Here is the sizeable discard pile:

First, we have the items I just didn’t feel good wearing as I was creating my 25-Item Plus-Size Capsule Wardrobe:

Next are the items from my original 25-Item Plus-Size Capsule Wardrobe that have gotten too big, worn out, or just stopped working for me:

Next are some pajamas that got too big and some workout pants that got worn out:

Here are the shoes that no longer work with my style, or that hurt my feet:

Here are some worn-out socks and underwear:

Then there are items I pulled from storage, but the sweater was worn out and the pants got too big:

And finally, the items I thrifted that got too big or stopped working for me:

It Was Hard To Get Out Of Bed Today

August 11, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Mental Illness, Clothes, Minimalism

It was hard to get out of bed today. I was tired, and in pain. I had gum surgery a few days ago and it has been a rough recovery so far. They really downplay what a big deal it is at the dentist- I mean, you’re just out in the open in a dentist’s chair with no door or anything. And they keep breezily saying how they’ll just send you home with some Motrin and you can drive yourself and whatnot. But Matt came with me- watched the whole procedure no less- and he was pretty horrified by what came out of my mouth. The point being, it was a pretty significant procedure. It’s 5 days later and I’m still in constant pain, Motrin or not. I actually took Vicodin the first two days (I have a prescription for menstrual cramps). But my stomach got messed up from that so I got off of it as soon as possible. Now I’m just on ibuprofen with some extra-strength Tylenol. The dentist claims it’s the equivalent of taking a Vicodin, but I can assure you, it’s not.

And so this morning I was teary-eyed while drinking my room-temperature coffee (gum surgery) and dove back into bed as I contemplated the treadmill. Matt rubbed my feet for a minute before leaving for work (he’s doing some house-painting) and I curled up in a ball on the bed and cried. I eventually got up to get my phone and distract myself with some YouTube. YouTube is, admittedly, my fantasy world. I love even the most mundane vlogs and styling videos and can watch for hours. I imagine my life is as clean and simple as the ones I see on the screen, and I imagine becoming a YouTuber myself one day. But I feel like my house isn’t clean enough, my curtains aren’t right, we have too many books on our bookshelves, and our bedroom is too dark, so I have nowhere to film the imaginary videos. I also feel like I’m still too fat for YouTube and that maybe when I’m thin, I’ll be perfect like the people whose lifestyle channels I love.

After a few minutes, I negotiated with myself in order to get going. Rather than lying down and watching YouTube, I’d get on the treadmill and watch YouTube. So I put on my shoes and pressed Start. After a shower and a frozen yogurt breakfast (gum surgery), I managed to get dressed and out of the house.

I’m back to wearing my linen pants- I’m finding it difficult to come up with a reason not to wear them every day- and am still debating whether or not I’m a skirt person. Yesterday’s experiment of wearing one was inconclusive. But as I put my linen pants on today, I began to question my recent resolution to stop looking in the mirror. It occurred to me that 4 months (the minimum amount of time it’ll take to lose 20 pounds and fit into my storage clothes) is a long time. It’s a long time to be “making do” with these awkward in-between clothes. Because by the time my storage clothes fit, we’ll be well into Fall. We’ll also be back in Germany when that time comes. Which raises the question: How the hell am I supposed to pack for 7 weeks when I’m still smack in the middle of losing this weight? Four weeks was one thing, especially because I had plenty of things that fit to start out with. But at the time we leave for this trip, I’ll probably be about 170 lbs., and my storage clothes will still be tight. So I could pack optimistically, assuming that those storage clothes will fit by the end of the trip, or I could pack realistically, for the 170 lb. body I’ll have when we set off. The realistic option means buying more clothes- something I was hoping to avoid doing. But then light dawned on marble head: I can thrift! It’ll be cheaper and more environmentally friendly than buying new things, and I can pick up some men’s pants for the Fall.

The only outstanding issues would be T-shirts and underwear. This is always a thing with T-shirts- how to avoid Old Navy, LOFT, J. Crew, etc. as well as the smelly, pilled options in your typical thrift store plus-size section. I’d consider looking for tops on Thredup, who seem to curate their clothes pretty well, but I don’t even know what size to look for. I guess I’m still in plus sizes (I have some LOFT XL tees in storage that are still too small) unless some XXL tops could work. And hopefully my current cotton underwear will still be OK- I just need to stock up on some more in my size. Maybe as we get closer to when we leave, I can better assess if new things are needed.

Messy Cleaning

August 01, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Mental Illness, Minimalism

I don’t even know where to begin. This is what goes through my head every time I even consider doing any household cleaning. I’m all about tidying up- Marie Kondo’s got nothing on me. But when it comes to actually removing dust and dirt from the apartment, I’m at a loss. It just seems like too big a task to even comprehend. I’m extremely fortunate to have a husband who’s not intimidated by vacuum cleaners or bleach and who has taken care of just about all the cleaning for some time. I have managed to hold up my end with laundry and drying dishes and making the bed, but I rarely even cook my own dinner, never mind mow the lawn or mop the floor.

There was an era though, during my Adderall days, when I was pretty much hyperactive. And I really took the bull by the horns with the cleaning. I created charts and lists of cleaning tasks and scheduled them all every week, month, 2 months, or 6 months. I tackled everything from vacuuming lamp shades to wiping down baseboards to washing windows to dry-mopping the walls. I of course enlisted my husband to help with all of these tasks, and he was very tolerant of my pathological perfectionism. But this constant cleaning of rooms that were already quite clean was not a sustainable way of life. I tired of removing everything from the kitchen cabinets and drawers to vacuum the crumbs out and wipe the insides down. My husband tired of dusting light fixtures that weren’t really dusty and pulling out the fridge to vacuum behind it. I was beyond the point of obsessiveness; no one I know could keep that up. And so once the Adderall started to wear off, as amphetamines do, I stopped cleaning altogether.

I went into a deep depression as we tried to figure out better meds, and I had zero energy for dusting or vacuuming or cleaning the shower grout. It all just ground to a halt, and it’s stayed there for the last year and a half or so. I often fantasize about cleaning, watching “Clean With Me” YouTube videos where you watch someone clean their entire house in fast motion. They’re totally absorbing, these videos, bordering on addictive. You get all the satisfaction of cleaning without any of the actual work. I think they’re meant to be motivational but I prefer just watching and not doing anything. As I said, I love tidying, putting things away, throwing things out, donating unwanted gifts to the thrift shop immediately upon receiving them. I think I have this idea that if I tidy everything perfectly, it’ll make cleaning easier. And to some extent, it does, at least for my husband. I never seem able to cross over into actually dusting the bookshelf after organizing it.

But I’ve been studying the way my husband cleans. I refer to his style of cleaning as “messy cleaning.” He doesn’t obsess over making every little thing perfect, he just does a decent job and is done with it. He’ll even hold up the vacuum canister and say, “Look at all that dust we just cleaned up.” Talk about seeing the glass half-full. This is the exact opposite of the way I usually think about cleaning, and it’s the way I think about it that’s a big part of why I don’t do it. I look around frantically for nooks and crannies that aren’t perfectly spotless. I insist on cleaning behind every piece of furniture because the dust I can’t even see bothers me. Then I tiptoe around the place trying not to mess it up. If one of my hairs falls on the floor, I immediately pick it up and throw it in the trash. When I clean my way, it’s ridiculous and impossible to maintain. But this “messy cleaning” perspective seems to be way more realistic and far more effective.

And so yesterday something monumental happened: I helped my husband clean. To pitch in with his apartment-wide vacuuming, I was handed one of those little Swiffer dusters. It’s just a fluffy thing on a hand-held stick, but it goes pretty far with just a spritz of Pledge. So I walked around looking for things to use it on: shelves, picture frames, light fixtures. My husband demonstrated how you can use it to clean our radiators, so I did that. And then I followed him around for a while, picking up shoes or chairs in his way. And that was it. It was over in about an hour and the apartment felt fresh and clean (we saved the kitchen and bathroom for another day). In my compulsive mind, this cleaning effort was a total disaster- there were sure to be things we missed! What about wiping down the light switches? And there was a certain amount of dust kicked up in the air. It was a mess. But it worked. I actually cleaned something, and that was huge.

When you lose confidence in your ability to do things, as is bound to happen in a mental health crisis, it’s really hard to get back on track. I often screamed at myself in my head about how I’m lazy and I should just suck it up and get on top of things. But cleaning turned into a real mental block for me at a certain point, especially after my bout of obsession with it. So this “messy cleaning” idea acted as a gateway for me to at least start doing some cleaning again. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I picked up that Swiffer, worried about how terrible a job I’d do. But my husband was patient enough to get me through it, and my helping out built a tiny bit of confidence in me. So at least it’s a start.

MInimalist Shame

July 27, 2019 by Kristin Purcell in Minimalism

I’m experiencing minimalist shame. The apartment is a bit messy lately. Things are out of place or they just don’t have a place so I dump them in my husband’s office. I haven’t cleaned out the fridge in weeks and our “snack drawer” is overflowing with packaging and neglected food. I recently went through all the clothes I have in storage in a smaller size and I’m overwhelmed by how much I have. I just received a shipment of vitamins and it’s pushed my pill drawer to the limit. I have a growing pile of clothes that need to be listed on Ebay, sent to Thredup, or donated (as my body gets smaller, the pile gets bigger). I have some old curtains and sheets in the trunk of the car that need to find a new home. The bathroom is overrun with toiletries and needs a clearout. My husband’s nightstand is stacked with books and New Yorkers. There’s laundry to be dealt with. My husband’s in the middle of fixing our armchair so it’s on the dining room table. And the whole place needs a proper vacuum and dusting and none of the clutter is making that any easier.

These are the times when I think that I’m not really a minimalist, I just want to be, and that there’s a big difference. But just because the house is messy doesn’t mean it always will be. It’s perfectly normal to have an influx of “stuff.” And our “stuff” is all consumables. Prescriptions and toiletries and food and clothes and periodicals. None of these things will stick around for very long, albeit some old things should probably go right away to make room for the new. So I know I will get on top of all of it soon, but it has reached a tipping point.

Even lifelong minimalists have clutter sometimes. It’s part of processing the things that come into our homes. The part I’m having a really hard time with lately is what to do with the stuff that needs to go. Reports tell us that 90% of donated clothes end up in a landfill, so we can’t just donate our belongings guilt-free anymore. Recycling is a far-from-perfect system and not all recyclables are actually sorted properly and recycled. And then there are things that are just broken or no longer useful and have nowhere to go but the trash. You can get creative with weaving tote bags out of plastic ones or fobbing things off on your loved ones, but most of us do create a certain amount of garbage that just can’t be helped. I am making an effort to keep my unwanted clothes out of the landfill by selling them on Ebay and I faithfully sort my recyclables, but aside from that, I’m kind of at a loss for what to do with the rest.

This environmental concern when decluttering is a major change from my ruthless decluttering of the past. I used to donate everything that became unnecessary without remorse, just wanting to get it off the premises as quickly as possible. This newfound enlightenment about what happens to donations has really put a kink in the works in terms of regular (or major) decluttering. Minimalism is no longer an easy feat of just getting rid of stuff. It’s become about being responsible in our discarding, finding new homes for things ourselves because the donation centers can’t keep up with all the “Marie Kondo-ing.” And thus, I’m a bit stuck. The flow of consumables has slowed to a point where I feel the apartment is cluttered. By some standards it’s fine, but not by my own.

Which is another thing I want to talk about: who is setting the standard for minimalism? With the current online trend of minimalism, there is a lot of finger-wagging and trolling when it comes to who is a minimalist and who is not. There are people counting the number of items they own and living out of backpacks and there are people with rather average-looking homes, all calling themselves minimalists. And I fully support that. I see minimalism as a method for living, a way to clarify what is important to you and live more fully. But there are a lot of people out there with rules and competitive streaks who just don’t see it that way. It’s exhausting to even glance at the childish comments about minimalism on YouTube, and pointless to try and engage with them. Sometimes I liken this intensity people have about “the rules of minimalism” as a kind of sickness. It’s almost as though some people are trying to erase their humanness by getting rid of more and more things. I think a little bit of lightheartedness and non-attachment to things could go a long way. Because isn’t that the point? For our lives to be less about stuff and more about other things?

I find a practical approach to minimalism is best for me. If getting rid of something makes my life easier, then I let it go. If getting rid of something makes my life harder, I might just hang onto it for the sake of ease (so long as I have the space). I really want my minimalism to have the qualities of ease, practicality, and lightheartedness. I want to be unattached to possessions and use them anyway. I realize, of course, that it’s perfectly natural for us to form attachments to things. And while for some people those attachments can be debilitating, like in the case of hoarding, I think for others it can be relatively harmless. I personally try to keep my instinct for attachment in check, being selective about how many purely sentimental items I have in my life. But we are human, and sometimes things get messy. Even for minimalists.